CAST OF ANACONDA MOVIE

The next 90 minutes were quite something. (Anaconda Malt Liquor would, of course, be the very worst way to start the week.) I woke up especially extra early on a Monday morning for the viewing experience, because a creature feature is always the best way to start the week.

CAST OF ANACONDA MOVIE

I managed to find the movie hidden in the cable TV schedules and set it to record. “I should listen to this strange sage figure on the other side of the internet!” I cried out to myself.

What’s more, his avatar is The Lego Movie‘s Vitruvius – the wise old wizard with the voice of Morgan Freeman – and that felt significant, like I was a “special” set on a quest of immense importance. One week later he tweeted me again saying he was “not impressed” about my not watching Anaconda yet (how did he know?) so I thought I better get on it. He also said that he’d love me forever if I savoured its goodness and, because I’m so insecure and lonely, I decided to comply. He demanded that I rectify this heinous error and went on to gush about Anaconda’s gloriousness while dancing, I imagine, to a particular Nicki Minaj track in snakeskin booties because that day he was all about everything ‘anaconda’. I remarked that the first thing I think of when I see or hear the word ‘anaconda’ is the hilarious blaxploitation spoof Black Dynamite, because “Anaconda Malt Liquor gives you oooooooh!” (If that means nothing to you, I urge you to seek out Black Dynamite and avoid Anaconda Malt Liquor) I also added that I hadn’t seen Anaconda and this really upset Patrick. Instead I decided I would say something because I was bored (clearly, because I was on Twitter) and, duly, sent a reply. I’m guessing he’d just rewatched Anaconda because he was praising it as “one of the greatest films of the 90s.” He suffixed that with the simple statement “Say nothing” so read into that what you will. One day I was idly doing that with an upstanding gentleman named Patrick Sproull, who has written stuff for this fine website.

Cast of anaconda